“We’re all going to die.
We don’t get much say over how or when,
but we do get to decide how we’re gonna live.
So, do it.
Is this the life you want to live?
Is this the person you want to love?
Is this the best you can be?
Can you be stronger?
Breathe out and decide.” – Dr. Richard Webber, Grey’s Anatomy Season 10
It is a tough year for my family.
The loss of our Lola who passed away January 02 still stings, and now we lost another member of our family. My uncle. He died last September 03 due to depression. Yeah, I strongly believe that it was the reason he died.
He was depressed about his job, his wife and his health.
He lost his job a month ago when he was diagnosed w TB. Doctors asked him to rehabilitate for a year before they could give him clearance to work again.
He lost contact of his wife, who just came back 2013 after leaving him for another guy for 20-plus years. Before he got sick, he was supporting her kids and sending money to her in the province. But when he can’t work anymore, and the one who needs taking cared of, she just vanished. Again.
Depression kills! It was a sad reality. It kills your desire to live. And when this monster invaded your system, your hopes, even your faith, disappears into thin air.
You stop smiling. You don’t see the reason for it.
You stop talking and communicating to your friends, even to your family members.
You wanted to be alone, even when your loneliness is making you weak.
You only want to stop. Everything. Eating. Sleeping. Believing. Living.
I don’t want to blame her for coming back. I truly believe that my uncle loved her still that’s why he accepted her back into his life. I wanted to believe that he was happy w her, even if it’s just for a little while.
Now, we are moving on. Everyone is trying, I should say. We keep ourselves busy with our life’s routine. Work is the best diversion if you ask me. But sometimes grief strikes you at moments that you aren’t even thinking of him or of what has happened. It shows its ugly face during your coffee break; you experience something like a heartburn when the radio airs a sad tune; it creeps in when you are getting ready to sleep.
I don’t think people move on when you lose a member of your family. I think we learn to adapt and deal with the pain. We carry it with us wherever we go, whatever we do, we just learn to continue breathing and living with that baggage called PAIN.
NUMB. I hope I am just.
Someone who can’t feel.
Someone who doesn’t hurt.
Ignorance of pain would bring solace.
HEARTLESS. I hope I could be.
Someone who doesn’t care.
Someone who won’t give a damn.
Inconsideration of others is a natural thing.
UNFORGETTABLE. I wish I could be to you.
Someone you see when your eyes are closed.
Someone you hear across the earth.
A smile from me should bring you warmth.
Is that all there is?
How are you today? I heard from Memory you are being busy lately, and that you wanna go Reminiscing Road again?
Well, I wish you don’t see Regrets and Failures there. But if you did, don’t take them too seriously. You know what those two could do. They will force you to hang out with Bitterness and Self – Pity. And you know better.
So instead of entertaining them, go find Hope. You know she’s is always with Love and Faith. Both will help you get past Darkness lane. It won’t be an easy route, and you know it. You will have to go back Heartache street and go through the entire block of Sadness. You will bump into Pain and Tears, and surely see the resident Denial and Lies, not a good company, considering what they did to you back in the day. Oohh, never a pretty sight.
But if you come to think of it, Forgiveness and Acceptance live just across them. Aren’t they always your hero? Didn’t they pick you up during that nasty fight with Betrayal, remember? So my advise to you ..
Take that road, visit your old friends, face your enemies; walk with them if you must. Then this road back home will become a-not-so-bad-a-journey anymore.
Take the trip and before you realize it, you’re home. You are back to Happiness.
If you get stuck or get into trouble with Doubt, you know where to reach me. I still live in Heart City.
How was your weekend? Mine was superb! We had a long weekend here in the Philippines as it was holiday last Friday – June 12. And I get to celebrate an out-of-town birthday ;) How awesome is that?!
Welcome to Mabini, Anilao in Batangas!
From here, we rented a boat that brought us to the Fish Sanctuary where we get to see fish up close and feed them.
Am afraid of water, I admit, because I don’t know how to swim. But I actually enjoyed this trip.
Photo below is me and Rome
After feeding and swimming with fishes, we headed out to a beach resort called “Sampaguita” where we get to spend the night and permitted to stay until 12noon the next day, without paying extra :) The caretaker Mrs Carina is kind and hospitable.
Aren’t the cottages cute? :)
I had fun, and it’s not just because it was an out-of-town getaway. But mainly because I get to spent it with the people I like.