It is a tough year for my family.
The loss of our Lola who passed away January 02 still stings, and now we lost another member of our family. My uncle. He died last September 03 due to depression. Yeah, I strongly believe that it was the reason he died.
He was depressed about his job, his wife and his health.
He lost his job a month ago when he was diagnosed w TB. Doctors asked him to rehabilitate for a year before they could give him clearance to work again.
He lost contact of his wife, who just came back 2013 after leaving him for another guy for 20-plus years. Before he got sick, he was supporting her kids and sending money to her in the province. But when he can’t work anymore, and the one who needs taking cared of, she just vanished. Again.
Depression kills! It was a sad reality. It kills your desire to live. And when this monster invaded your system, your hopes, even your faith, disappears into thin air.
You stop smiling. You don’t see the reason for it.
You stop talking and communicating to your friends, even to your family members.
You wanted to be alone, even when your loneliness is making you weak.
You only want to stop. Everything. Eating. Sleeping. Believing. Living.
I don’t want to blame her for coming back. I truly believe that my uncle loved her still that’s why he accepted her back into his life. I wanted to believe that he was happy w her, even if it’s just for a little while.
Now, we are moving on. Everyone is trying, I should say. We keep ourselves busy with our life’s routine. Work is the best diversion if you ask me. But sometimes grief strikes you at moments that you aren’t even thinking of him or of what has happened. It shows its ugly face during your coffee break; you experience something like a heartburn when the radio airs a sad tune; it creeps in when you are getting ready to sleep.
I don’t think people move on when you lose a member of your family. I think we learn to adapt and deal with the pain. We carry it with us wherever we go, whatever we do, we just learn to continue breathing and living with that baggage called PAIN.
How are you today? I heard from Memory you are being busy lately, and that you wanna go Reminiscing Road again?
Well, I wish you don’t see Regrets and Failures there. But if you did, don’t take them too seriously. You know what those two could do. They will force you to hang out with Bitterness and Self – Pity. And you know better.
So instead of entertaining them, go find Hope. You know she’s is always with Love and Faith. Both will help you get past Darkness lane. It won’t be an easy route, and you know it. You will have to go back Heartache street and go through the entire block of Sadness. You will bump into Pain and Tears, and surely see the resident Denial and Lies, not a good company, considering what they did to you back in the day. Oohh, never a pretty sight.
But if you come to think of it, Forgiveness and Acceptance live just across them. Aren’t they always your hero? Didn’t they pick you up during that nasty fight with Betrayal, remember? So my advise to you ..
Take that road, visit your old friends, face your enemies; walk with them if you must. Then this road back home will become a-not-so-bad-a-journey anymore.
Take the trip and before you realize it, you’re home. You are back to Happiness.
If you get stuck or get into trouble with Doubt, you know where to reach me. I still live in Heart City.
And so I read a book where the story revolves around the death of a 80-plus years old man named Eddie and about his life on earth. The book is exceptional, in my opinion, because of the author’s approach in showing WE ARE ALL CONNECTED, THAT THERE ARE NO STRANGERS IN THIS WORLD and THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS RANDOM.
It’s amazing how the writer presented that all our acts, no matter how small or grand, ordinary or special, change lives. Things that happen, people around us and even those before we are born, affects us.
The story taught lessons about life and death. Here are some of the lines I favorited:
“People think of heaven as paradise garden, a place where they can float on clouds and laze in rivers and mountains. But scenery without solace is meaningless.”
“This is the greatest gift God can give you; to understand what happened in your life. To have it explained. It is the peace you have been searching for.”
“Fairness does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person will die young.”
~ BLUE MAN
“Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to take care of her sick father.”
“That’s the thing. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re really not losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.”
“Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”
“That’s because no one is born with anger. And when we die, the soul is freed from it. But now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it.”
“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes you partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.”
Life has to end. Love doesn’t.”
PS. The title of this book is the key to view the next post 😀
PPS. If you know the book, you’ll realize that a very important character’s missing above. The last stop for Eddie 😀
Suddenly in a bad mood …
What am I supposed to tell them, ‘Hey, who among you are traitors??’ …
It’s been a hard year, actually it’s been for the past 3years … We have been very patient and understanding … We stand by you even when everyone else walked away … We believed in your promise of support and that we are on this together, until the end …
It’s not being ungrateful, they’ve just reached their limit … Remember, these people also have a family to support, mouths to feed and kids to send to school. When hunger strikes, you cannot expect them to stay smiling at you and work enthusiastically.
I strongly believe these people aren’t the ones sending you those ugly messages. We still respect you, despite all the things that had happened. They might have said some words in the spur-of-the-moment, but I’m sure they don’t really mean it deep inside.
Now, I feel like I’m being tortured … I need to stand there, in a group of people that are of the same age as my parents, to deliver your message. Message that try as much as I want to sugar coat, would still hurt them. And I hate doing it …
Naiinis ako …
Dahil kailangang ako ang magsabi, dahil ako ang dapat magsabi, at dahil ako lang ang pwedeng magsabi … Bakit?!
Hindi ko pinangarap ang ganitong buhay. Masaya na ako sa simple at tahimik. Hindi ako naghahangad ng mas mataas pa, pero binigay mo sakin, dahil sabi mo, I’m born to be a leader. Masarap sa tenga, sa pakiramdam. Nakakadagdag ng self esteem.
Pero totoo ngang great power means greater responsibilities. Ang dating tahimik at simple kong pamumuhay ay napuno ng sangkaterbang problema at sakit ng ulo. Kaya ko kung sa kaya, ako ang tipong hindi sumusuko sa challenge. Pero iba na kapag:
Iniiyakan ka na.
Nagmamakaawa na sa iyo.
Humihingi ng tulong mo.
Kailangan mong hindi umiyak.
Kailangan mong maging matigas.
Kailangan mong tumanggi.
May sarili ka mang problema, hindi mo pwede ipakitang nabibigatan ka. Dahil maraming umaasa sa pagiging matatag mo. Pag naging mahina ka, manghihina na rin sila. Gugustuhin mo bang maging dahilan ng pagbagsak nila? Ang mawalan sila ng pag-asa?? Paano ka na …
Masakit makakita ng taong hilam sa luha, taong nabibigo at lalong higit ng taong naghihinanakit sa iyo. Pakiramdam mo ang salbahe mong nilalang. Gusto mo man silang panigan, kailangan mong manatili sa gitna. Bakit? Dahil iyon ang papel mo. Ang sakit. Sakit sa pakiramdam ng wala kang silbi.
Now I am composing a response to your message, I want to pour my thoughts. I want to say everything I have been keeping inside of me. But I still can’t …
I now accept the truth that I am a coward. I don’t have the courage to tell you how disappointed I am, how I hated being in this situation and how much I wanted to give up. For what reason? Ironic, but I am grateful to you …
Even when I am typing the words I wanted you to know, I would still press the backspace. I still feel that the things I should be thankful for dominates the things I hated. Crazy, huh? Yeah, I think I am …
So I guess this torment I have is my own work. That I was the one who put myself into this misery. And the only way I can be free is if I can get over this feeling of indebtedness. Ang tanong, magagawa ko ba??
Mukhang hindi …
It’s more than a week after 2AM’s showcase here in the Philippines …
But the overwhelming feeling to finally see them and hear their live performance is still there …
By the way, the shots are not in good quality but still … It’s 2AM! Kyahhhh <33
To be honest, I so wanted to steal any of those and take them home … But I restrained myself 😛
Waiting for the show to start …
Front act, acoustic duo Krissy and Ericka. They have covered alot of songs and I can say they sing pretty good too. You can see some of it here
When their part ended, the crowd went to crazy frenzy. Everyone’s chanting 2AM and the cheers are just deafening. You can feel the excitement …
**Forgive the quality of the shots, we are not professional photographers 🙂 ~~
Wasn’t able to take a picture when they did some kkap moves on stage, it was so funny and entertaining. Kwonnie owned the stage!! HAHA, made our day!!
It was a tiring day, the waiting and the hot weather, but it’s all worth it! 2AM is indeed the best Kpop Idol BoyBand!! Proud to be an IAM!!
Oh by the way, here are some shots we took while resting … You can’t help but admire the place at night, the lights are so beautiful.
It was nice to see you again, Khaii (@khaiidyosa), Kaye (@k_bluester) and Vern (and family). And to finally meet in person, Ian (@iyanskye) and Lara (@sleepcar).
Let’s bond longer next time.