by Marianas Trench

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.
When it’s in your spine like you’ve walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

Oh way oh way oh oooo
Oh way oh way oh oooo

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I’ll be right beside you
I am right be right beside you

When you’re overwhelmed and you’ve lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they’ve never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I’ll be right beside you
I am right be right beside you

I will stay.
Nobody will break you,

Trust in me, trust in me.
Don’t pull away
Trust in me, trust in me.
I’m just trying to keep this together, because I could do worse and you could do better

Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I’ll be right beside you
Nobody will break you

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I’ll be right beside you
Nobody will break you.


Dear Claire,
What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be.
But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.
“What if? What if? What if?”
I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late.
If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart.
I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like – love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for.
But I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it.
And, Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.
All my love,
~ from the movie ‘Letters to Juliet’




Gain was a slave to her answering machine for days, checking it far too often, waiting to hear anything from Kwon. But none came.

Every day she pondered on what she might have done or should have done differently.

Was she too forward? Did she look so eager? Has she made it too obvious on how much she wanted him?

She’d never regretted her honest ways and her impulsive actions before but with the recent events, she’s starting to. And by the seventh day, she was angry at herself; and at Kwon who seemed to forget about her existence.


Something’s outside and it’s not the rain.

Gain sat up straight in bed and strained her ears to hear. There it was again, a creaking sound created not by the raindrops but more like footsteps. Throwing back the sheets, her heart pounding hard in her chest, Gain walked through her dark room and went towards the living room.

Pushing one corner of the drapes aside, she saw Kwon standing outside with his head down, two hands spread wide on the glass windows, rain coursing over him. With a soft cry of alarm, she wrenched open the locks but before she could pull him inside and out of the downpour, Kwon had dragged her out and slammed into his arms.

He was trembling as he held her tight.

“What happened? What is it?” Gain was worried as to how he’s hurt but he’s holding her so tight she can’t even look at him. “Hush, Kwon, hush. It’s all right,” she whispered, her hands on his back trying to call him down. She tiptoed to kiss his cheek.

At the touch of her lips, Kwon turned his head in a frantic seeking until his mouth found hers. Surprise hit Gain as he lifted her into that kiss; his hands roam over her body instantaneously. His tongue found hers and then explosion of heat flooded her insides.

No one had ever kissed her like this – with raw emotion and need, with sheer passion – she was frightened and thrilled at the same time.

Kwon broke the kiss and buried his face on her neck, planting hot kisses there that she shivered at every touch of his lips.  His mouth went back to her face, licking at the droplets of water on her brows, her eyes, her cheeks and right there and then, Gain felt her own need breaking free. Soon after, it was her searching upward for his mouth, her hands flat between their chests.

When her mouth finally found his, Kwon lifted her high in his arms, his hands cupping her behind, he pressed her hard to his groin, rhythmically moving her against him.

Her fingers were clutching his neck, entangled in the wet curls at his nape before they slid down to feel the expanse of his chest and his shoulders. Touching him this way was like having a wild fantasy come true, excitement blasted through her in waves and waves she couldn’t control, she shuddered with its power.

Kwon’s hands slipped inside her night dress and found the softness of her breasts then his fingers caught at her aching nipples and he groaned with satisfaction as she cried out.

She became someone so overwhelmed by sexual arousal that she seemed to lose her awareness of everything, her sense of time and place … even herself.

She could feel the rain pounding down on her but didn’t know she was calling his name at every touch, at each rough caress.

She lost track of when Kwon swept her gown off her and backed her against the wet glass window.

She did feel though his warm mouth as he suckled hungrily at her bare chest. Her hands automatically reaching for his back and did her fair share of touching, caressing the wet skin of his sides in blind and circling motions.

Gain felt his palm glide down over her stomach then went beneath her underwear. His long, delicate fingers slid urgently into the warmth between her legs that she gasped, her knees collapsing.

It was then, when he had to catch her weight, that Kwon realized where they are and what he was about to do. His hold loosened.

“Don’t stop,” Gain sighed, her grip tightening on him. “Please!”

Something between a groan and a sigh escaped Kwon’s mouth, he held her tight to his chest, his lips pressed on her wet hair.

He supported her weight with his one arm as he breathed heavily and threw his head back several times before he bent down, pressing their foreheads together.

“Forgive me, sweetheart,” he whispered hoarsely. “It’s all going too fast, this thing between us, isn’t it?”


“With the way I feel for you …”


“ …. am not sure I can slow it down.”

Gain could only gulp and murmur incoherent words.

“Don’t mistake this like am playing a game, ‘cause am not. Am not playing you and this is not a game to me. I really -”

“Shhhh,” Gain’s shaking fingers touched his lips, cutting him off. “Let’s go inside.”

She began to walk backwards, pulling Kwon through the doorway and then into her bedroom’s bathroom. Inside, she flipped the lights open and reached up to start unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes never left hers but he seemed dazed.

She pushed the soggy cotton fabric away from his shoulders only to gasped – she’d never seen such body up close – every curve was sculpted, beautiful. His arms were with thick, twining muscles, and his stomach a series of tight bands.

She grabbed a towel only as an afterthought and reached high to dry his hair. He remained passive under her rapid movements but then the motion slowed down and the towel drifted to his torso.

Her hand went to made circles over his chest and found his beating heart, felt it racing with hers. Eyes to his, she allowed the cloth to fall and her fingers went to unbuckle his belt.

Gain thought that when this time comes she’d be frightened or timid. She’d been wrong.

She’s on fire, achy and very much impatient to touch the sleek warmth of his skin.

But she only got as far as the top of his zipper.

He reached for her, his thumbs sliding into the gap between the thin robe she’d managed to put on. In one swift move, he was able to pushed open the loosely belted clothing, Gain’s head fell back, hands dropping on her sides.

Kwon’s hands outlined her sides, waist and hips, giving her goose bumps. His hands rose to slightly graze her breasts, Gain closed her eyes even tighter as she felt her nipples contract, and her last bit of clothing sliding down the tiled floor.

He stared down at the soft curls between her legs and then let one hand cup her possessively. His mouth met hers at the exact moment, her cry was caught, her senses reeled; she cling to his neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kwon’s voice was low but intense. He bent over again, giving her nibbling kisses on her face and neck.

“Would you be with me tonight, Gain?”

Gain swallowed painfully and answered …


 I KNOW –  it’s such a cliffie (told you, it’s a heart attack material :P ) – you wanna strangle me hahaha

I would have if I am on your shoes, believe me :)

But that’s all for now.

See you next time … 



She’d been pacing the room for ten minutes when she heard the bell.

Breathe! Breathe!

She took a final look of herself in the mirror and almost gasped at the face staring back at her. Her eyes looked wide and her skin was flushed with excitement. She tried to school her features into some expression other than that and allowed herself one deep sigh before walking towards the front door.

Her hand fumbled with the lock a few times, and then there he was, the whole height of him at her door.

“Uhm,” he said almost staring, “you look lovely.”

Gain grinned at his direct flattery and tried to hide the softening in her eyes by turning hers away from him. She’s surprised that that little compliment can bring warmth to her heart.

When she glanced back, she noticed the flowers he’s holding – daisies.

Kwon watched as her mouth go round and soft, and thought how happy she was for the flowers. He so badly want to tease her for it, at least enough so she’d look straight at him, but the moment felt so good and right that he feared it will be ruined if he’d as much as breathe. He allowed a few seconds to pass for her to compose herself before he gave the daisies to her.

Gain cleared her throat before she squeaked out her thanks, then she turned on her heel to get a vase for the flowers. Kwon followed her into the living room and stared at her beautiful and smooth legs as she walked onto the kitchen.

He smiled at the crazy feeling he’s having. Gain’s pinkish ankles were doing a funny effect on him. It’s making his heartbeat change rhythms and images of him kissing the back of those knees filled his mind. Would it make her liquid brown eyes dark, he wondered.

Enough! Kwon commanded himself and tore his gaze away from Gain and went for the windows. His condition had destroyed all his hopes for a future and a family of his own. He thought knowing it already demolished his ability to feel.

Why now?

There were women. But he had not wanted more than to satiate his body and take comfort from theirs. A man needed such.

What is it about this woman that made him feel again?

Maybe it was the honesty and the lack of pretense, or it could be that look she got when she look at him.

He wanted to run his hands over her and discover every delicate curve and contours, and bury himself in her softness. He wanted something that she would give without thinking.

He can see that he could hurt her but still …

Gain entered the room with a small glass filled with his daisies and settled it over the table. When she straightened, Kwon was looking at her darkly, her smile became unsure.

“Shall we go?” Kwon announced quickly and went beside her. “I made reservations at Santi’s.” The dark look faded in his smile.


The evening went fine. He brought her to a restaurant that serves Italian food, they drank wine, and Gain learned as much as Kwon would talk about.

He grew up in Japan and has two brothers. He was on the track team and plays baseball. He would have gone pro if he had not decided to study medicine in the States – to the dismay of his father who’s a known baseball player.

He had his residency in Boston and stayed there for six years. When the offer came to operate a clinic with five other doctors, he transferred.

Kwon asked her what it’s like growing up around the racetrack and she merrily told him about her father and her coach, her agent, the races she’d participated on and her accomplishments.

Kwon took her home after dinner, and Gain asked him in for coffee.

Her head fell back against the couch as they both watch the stars through the glass windows. Kwon put his elbow on the back of the couch, bracing his head in his hand as he look at her contentedly sprawled out on the couch. The sight made him happy and warm inside somehow that he felt silly.

“I thought I could wait …” his voice soft as he stared down into her face. “… but I can’t.” His hand slid slowly and went through the strands of hair at her nape. “I’m dying away to kiss you, Gain.”

Gain took comfort at his words and at the way they made her feel. She didn’t mind if he said things like this to every woman he meets. What’s important is he’s saying them to her.

She shivered when his hand started to massage her nape, her chin lifted, lips parting. Kwon’s lips then met her mouth fully this time, in a kiss that’s warm and soft.

His tongue came out to flick her upper lip and Gain made a wild sound of hunger. He deepened the kiss even more by delving between her lips. She could feel her heart rumbling against his chest.

Kwon pulled her closer to his body, his hands gliding up and down her back, then to her sides, feeling every rib and soft muscle. Her hands pressed into his shoulders, fingers curled as the longing swept through her.

Never had she felt this way before.

It went on and on, the kiss was astonishing she couldn’t think at all, couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe anymore. Then he pulled away only to began nibbling over her cheekbones and move down to the soft column of her throat. She gasped for air and held on to his head as he continued this delicious torment.

Kwon’s palm rose to cup her breasts, tenderly, just right where it ached, brushing tantalizingly over the hardened peaks. Gain let out a shudder of arousal and he stopped. His hands frozen over her chest, his knees lay between her legs, his mouth at her shoulder.

“Let’s stop,” he whispered.

Her eyes flew open, her breathing loud and hard. She felt him move away from her. She wanted to cry out the loss, to beg him to kiss her again. But there’s something in his voice she can’t explain.

Why did he stop?

Gain waited for him to speak, but he just sat there with his eyes shut, hands balled in a fist.

She’s the type who can’t stand not knowing so before her courage disappear she asked, “Did I do .. s-something … uhmm .. wrong? Why did you .. ?”

Kwon’s eyes opened, lifted her face to him and kiss her tenderly but briefly. He looked straight at her and melted her with his stare.

“I told myself I’d no more than kiss you. That I’d give you proper time, us to know each other and be comfortable. But what happened tonight is … I … you …” He shook his head and explained no more. Despite of it being incomplete, she understood him.

“Walk me to your door?” One corner of his mouth lifted, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Goodbye.” Kwon said as he opened the door, brushed his knuckles against her cheek for a few seconds before turning to go.

No questions. No questions, Gain. She ordered herself. Let him go.

 … but she called to him.

His eyes met hers while she walked the steps he’d taken. Gain hesitated at first but knowing it’s now or never, she reached up to him and kissed him on the lips. Long and hard, after that she smoothen the hair she’d mussed over his forehead and smiled.

“Good night. Just good night. Not goodbye.”

Kwon smiled back as the words start to sink in and pulled her for a hug.


 ~~ athenarei’s note:

Not bad for someone who went hiatus for several months **tries to convince self** XD

This seems to be liked more than the other so am going to continue. Praying hard that I won’t get bored along the way …